Recently, I joined Planet Fitness, a gym in Waterford. It's an odd sort of place compared to the more primitive gyms I've belonged to in the past, with their sweat-slathered Victorian sash weights, their stale shoeleather medicine balls and their Spartan communal showers (Hot vater? You vant hot vater? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!).
Planet Fitness, by comparison, is plush. That is, of course, if you can stomach the Barney-the-Dinosaur purple and Big-Bird yellow color scheme. Every piece of equipment is painted this purple-yellow two-tone, which can send deep sea swells to the lizard level of your brain when you walk in half hungover for your morning workout.
But who am I to judge? After all, the Planet Fitness motto is "The Judgement Free Zone."
Yes, that's right: judgment with an e. Which would be OK if we were living in merrye olde Engelande. But if you're someone whose entire career has been dedicated to the proper use of American English, seeing that motto plastered on every surface is like being repeatedly poked in the eye.
But already I know what they probably would say, if I were to bring this up: "Hey! Can't you read? This is the judgement free zone!"
That aside, Planet Fitness is a great gym, not only for its cleanliness, generous array of equipment, friendly staff and hot water, but because it is also the World o' Wall-to-Wall TV.
Equip yourself with some headphones, and you can plug into anything from CNN to the Nude Venusian Housewives Network, all while you run yourself into a puddle on the treadmill. Me, I prefer the silence of my thoughts, but I can't help but notice the infomercials up there on the screens.
Did you know that you can buy - if you order NOW — a kitchen knife so sharp you can saw the head of a hammer in half? I never realized, until I saw this ad, that I might need such a knife. I'd use it on those nights when I'm making, let's say, ball-peen Alfredo.
But the best item, in my opinion, is the toaster that burns your favorite team's logo into each slice of bread. I hate to be judgmental, but this seems to me a missed entrepreneurial opportunity: What do I hear for a toaster that burns the face of Jesus into every slice of rye?
Planet Fitness, by comparison, is plush. That is, of course, if you can stomach the Barney-the-Dinosaur purple and Big-Bird yellow color scheme. Every piece of equipment is painted this purple-yellow two-tone, which can send deep sea swells to the lizard level of your brain when you walk in half hungover for your morning workout.
But who am I to judge? After all, the Planet Fitness motto is "The Judgement Free Zone."
Yes, that's right: judgment with an e. Which would be OK if we were living in merrye olde Engelande. But if you're someone whose entire career has been dedicated to the proper use of American English, seeing that motto plastered on every surface is like being repeatedly poked in the eye.
But already I know what they probably would say, if I were to bring this up: "Hey! Can't you read? This is the judgement free zone!"
That aside, Planet Fitness is a great gym, not only for its cleanliness, generous array of equipment, friendly staff and hot water, but because it is also the World o' Wall-to-Wall TV.
Equip yourself with some headphones, and you can plug into anything from CNN to the Nude Venusian Housewives Network, all while you run yourself into a puddle on the treadmill. Me, I prefer the silence of my thoughts, but I can't help but notice the infomercials up there on the screens.
But the best item, in my opinion, is the toaster that burns your favorite team's logo into each slice of bread. I hate to be judgmental, but this seems to me a missed entrepreneurial opportunity: What do I hear for a toaster that burns the face of Jesus into every slice of rye?
No comments:
Post a Comment